How Revealing…

Hooray! It’s May Foodie Pen Pals reveal day!

This month brought a seriously healthy and delicious collection of goodies from Alison. Alison, I seem to have lost your website, so if you read this, let me know what it is and I’ll link ya up! :)

What a spread, right? Holy cow! So much yummy for my (shrinking) tummy :)

These nuts are maybe the best things I’ve ever put in my mouth (insert dirty joke here). But seriously, they’re so good! And I just discovered a bunch of other flavor and nut combos at my local grocery–yay!

I feel like a traitor to the healthy blogging community by saying this, but this was my first experience with Justin’s nut butters. Gotta say, they live up to their rep. I may have sucked the last few drops of nut butter from both packs. Sorry, I’m not sorry :)

I’m a big fan of bars. Especially since most of them taste like desert. These aren’t bad!


I saw honey sticks like this while on vacay in Texas and, against my better judgment, didn’t buy them. Thanks to Alison, I got to enjoy them in my green tea, drizzled on a pb sammich, and…maybe…straight from the tube? Sometimes I get too excited by Foodie Pen Pals.


So my new favorite thing! Dried fruit can be cardboardy, salty, and just plain bad. But this, with a bit of cinnamon and a great crunch (and great nutrition stats) is truly phenomenal. I must find this in a store around here!
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Foodie Pen Pals is one of the best things I’ve ever stumbled upon. You should join us!

If you’re interested in participating for June, please click here to fill out the participation form and read the terms and conditions. You must submit your information by June 4th as pairings will be emailed on June 5th!

Hell Week

Blogging around these parts may be a bit nonexistent over the next few weeks as I adjust to a new schedule. Tonight I start my new part-time job. And it’s at a bakery, which…isn’t that a bit like giving an alcohol a job at a liquor store?

Anyway, these week in particular is a four day work week for me (yay!), but three of those days are 18+ hour days (boo!). Tomorrow, for example, I wake up at 4:50am, head to the gym for an hour or so, come home to shower, eat breakfast and get ready for the real job. Work from 8am-4pm. Sneak in a walk  and some weights work during the day. Head over to the fake job, work 4pm-10:30pm. Go home and go straight to bed. Then get up and start the whole thing over. Whew! I’m exhausted just writing that!

Normally I would have no real problem pulling off a day like this, it’s just that I have three of them in a row this week. The bright side of all this, though, is that I’ll be spending the long holiday weekend at my parents house in Wisconsin with my entire extended family for a lot of laughing, shopping, games, golf, sunshine, good food and drinks, and campfires.

Now, old Manda Kay would have bitched and moaned about this whole week (which I kinda have), and said, “screw it” to any sort of diet and exercise. But I’m proud to report that I got a little extra sleep last night, my fridge currently contains portioned out lunch and dinner for the entire week, my snacks and breakfasts are laid out on the counter, my blender is prepped for a week of protein shakes, and, as I mentioned, my workouts are planned. I even did a quick clean-up of my apartment after getting home yesterday from a weekend away.

If I follow through with everything I’ve prepped, there’s no reason why this week will be the typical Manda Kay throw-away week. I’m going into this new, unwanted, potentially challenging situation with a mostly positive attitude, knowing where my priorities lie–my health and weight loss comes first, no matter what, over everything and everyone else. I won’t sacrifice that anymore. I’m choosing me.
What do you do to manage your crazy and hectic schedule?

In Which I Overcome Fear. Twice.

I have been plateauing like nothing else lately, and for the life of me, I can’t figure out why. I’m doing exactly what I should be doing. Every day I:

1. Eat roughly 1,500 calories of healthful, mostly unprocessed foods (more on heavy workout days).
2.Aim for 2 cardio sessions, plus circuits/weights of some kind.
3. Drink at least 100 oz. of water.
4. Drink at least 2 cups of green tea.
5. Consume 3 main meals and 2 snacks, so I’m basically constantly chewing.
6. Track every calorie and workout in My Fitness Pal.
7. Get around 7-8 hours of sleep.

So why isn’t the scale budging? I’ve been struggling with this for awhile now, and I’m just stumped. My only thought is that I’m either in starvation mode,which seems unlikely to me, or I’m building muscle. I did think my calves looked rather toned this morning…I mean, still fat, obviously, but more toned than usual.

I just don’t understand why, being the size that I am and putting forth the effort that I am, this weight isn’t just falling off. Not even a pound a week at this point! Where am I going wrong? No, seriously. Hit the comments and please tell me why!

All I can do is keep pushing and moving forward. Do what I do and maybe try a few tweaks here and there–more calories? Less? More working out? I don’t know. But to that end, earlier this week I said, “screw you” to the scale and my non-responsive body and went out to both punish it a bit and conquer two long-held fears.

Fear #1: I don’t wear tank tops. If you read this blog regularly, you know this and you know what a big feat it was for me to wear one recently to spin class.

I one-upped that earlier this week, when the gorgeous 80º sunshine was beckoning me outside for a run. My mom has always said that fat looks better tan :) so I threw on one of two sleeveless shirts I own and hit the pavement. This was a big deal. And of course, in my mind, everyone was staring. But I just cranked the Kelly Clarkson and kept moving, enjoying the warm sunshine beating down on me.

Fear #2: I live by the Mississippi River, which, in the city, has a beautiful trail that runs along both sides of it. This is by far my favorite place to run. It’s semi-secluded so I don’t feel on display, and has gorgeous views of the river…and the occasional shirtless hot runner man :) In my particular neck of the woods, there is a major bridge over the river that has a bit of an incline and wide sidewalks. In my almost ten years of living here, I’ve driven over this bridge plenty of times and watched countless strangers walk, run, and bike over the expansive waterway. I, personally, have never actually stepped foot on it. As I ran down to the river trail the other day, with a smile I thought to myself, “just keep going straight. Go over the bridge. Let’s finally do it.”
And I did. It was hot, I was sweaty and completely dying for air, I got honked at by a random in a car (what’s your endgame with that, sir?), but I did it. It was something I’ve always wanted to do, but have been too afraid of the incline and being that on display out in the open.

I conquered the bridge while wearing a tank top. Boom. Fears conquered.

While I may not be making progress on the scale, I know I’m making progress in other ways–in the toning and development of new muscle, in overcoming the mental games I play with myself, in the ramping up of my confidence and ability to allow myself to live my life. I take great pride in all of that. That’s progress. And the scale? Well, that’ll come, eventually.

Do you have a theory as to why I’m not losing lbs. on the scale? Have any tips or personal experience to share? Let me hear it!

Juggling Act

Let’s add another piece to the puzzle of this tough and seemingly never ending struggle, shall we?

I’ve mentioned on here that I recently switched jobs. While I’m infinitely happier in my current situation, the financial transition has been a bit difficult. Like many other kids my age, with student loans, credit cards and a rotten economy, I’ve been kind of living paycheck to paycheck with little to no savings to fall back on. So when I switched jobs, and had to go  month without a paycheck, things got a bit bleak (to say the least).

To combat this issue, appease my parentals, and avoid similar situations in the future, I quickly found a part-time job to supplement my income. Like most, the pay sucks and it’s nothing glamorous or exciting. And I don’t want to do it for a number of reasons (see below). But it’s extra money. So…

My problem is this: I’m still struggling with how to balance my new lifestyle with my day-to-day life. If a friend calls and wants to do happy hour after work, what do I do? How do I not gorge myself on cheap appetizers and summery cocktails, now that I don’t eat that way or drink alcohol? When do I get my evening workout in?

If I’m now taking on an optional part time job of 15-30 hours per week, in addition to my 40+ hours per week real job, when am I going to get my workouts in? If at least three days per week I’m working from 8am until 11pm at night, with literally no breaks, how will I prep my lunch for the next day? How will I get up at 5:30am to get my run in?

Right now I have a completely adequate amount of time to do exactly what I need to. With no interruptions. But when I start adding real world situations into my life, I sometimes find myself slipping (not working out, making poor-ish food choices, imbibing with a cocktail or a soda).

I want to need to focus on me and my issues. Every day I need to get in two cardio sessions and a weight/circuit session. I need to plan and prep my meals. I need to get 7-8 hours of sleep. These have to be non-negotiables at this point. Weight loss and getting healthy needs to be my second full-time job, my number priority above all else.

I’m not sure how to sort all of this out. I don’t know how to fix myself, nurture my relationships, and work two exhausting (and kind of but not really necessary) jobs. Is it possible to do it all? I don’t know…I don’t think so. Knowing me, though, the first thing to suffer will be my health. I’ll start to turning to convenience food over healthful options. I won’t work out because I’m too tired, not getting enough sleep, and can’t find time.

What do I do? Does anyone have any suggestions or answers for me?? :) How do you find balance in your life?

Reasons Why

About five years ago, the summer before my senior year in college, I set out yet again to lose the weight. Like every other time, this was it, I had enough, I was finally going to get it together.

Well. We know how that turned out, don’t we?

In an attempt to motivate myself at that time, I put together a list of all the reasons why I wanted to lose the weight. It included everything from the very superficial, to a few that actually surprised me.

I’ve come across this list a few time over the years, and every time I re-read it it’s an emotional few minutes. And then I file it away and vow to be healthier. When I stumbled on it again the other day, I was amazed at how little and how much my life has changed since I put this list together on August 7, 2006. Re-reading it now brings back so many painful memories from what was a pretty painful time in my life. And it reminds me there’s no looking back. I can’t still be here five years from now, glancing over the cramped writing and crinkled paper, waiting to fulfill every single damn thing on this list.

Here are my uncut and uncensored reasons why:
To be me, the real me.
To fall in real love.
To get married and have babies.
To be around to raise my children…nieces and nephews…grandchildren.
To fit in chairs, airport seats, those white plastic patio chairs, amusement park rides, etc.
To fit into “normal” clothes and shop where I want.
To not be the fat friend, the safety net.
To not have to hide or cut out the size tag on my clothes.
To not have to wear Spanx in order to look remotely decent.
To wear sexy lingerie.

To work out in sports bras and tank tops.
For my health, to be fit and in shape.
For my desire to have a future beyond what I am now (nothing!).
To be able to wear the ring I got for my sixteenth birthday.
To fit into normal sized jewelry.
To always take the stairs.
To not have to drive across campus.
To not have to feel this way, constantly.
To like what I see.
To want to go out with my friends again.

To not have it always be the first thing on my mind in every situation.
To be the tall, pretty, bombshell blonde, the total package.
To never have to make lists like this every again.
To not have to worry about anything hanging out, to let my clothes just be and not have to always adjust.
To not sweat so much.
To not worry if I’m about to humiliate myself.
To travel and not worry about my capability to do so.
To live and be confident.
To escape this depression and obsession once and for all.
To be free.


To sell/donate every single piece of clothing I own–how liberating!
To lay on an air mattress on the lake and not be self-conscious/sink :)
To lay out in the sun, in my bathing suit, and be confident.
To not feel like a total embarrassment/disappointment to my family.
To like me. To love me.
To have complete and total faith and confidence in myself and my abilities.
To fulfill all my dreams.
To not have to settle at any level, to any degree.
To not want to just stop living anymore.
To go sky diving and bungee jumping.

To wear a swimsuit that doesn’t look awful on me.
To not be so aware of the space I’m consuming in social situations.
To wear tank tops and halter tops (with no bra).
To wear shorts and anything cut above my knees.
To wear kick ass boots.
To wear girlie shoes that my feet don’t hang over the sides of.
For the man of my dreams.
To be someone’s everything instead of just another or nothing at all.

Save Yourself

Have you guys heard of Notes from the Universe? I’m not one for mystical, spiritual stuff, but I do love a good daily dose of inspiration! :)

In light of my recent lack of motivation, today’s note really struck a chord:

Remember, you will always have friends, guides, and love, Amanda, but no one is coming to “save you.”

That’s the adventure package you signed up for.

The one that comes with all the superpowers, guaranteed rebounding abilities, and the all-powerful scrunched-nose-when-you-smile.

Your 5 Star Time-Space Adventure Tour Agency Manager,
The Universe

Happy Monday, everyone! Hope your week is off to a fantastic start!