Summer Bucket List Update: Run It

After a emotional Thursday night spin class with my BFF instructor, Holly, where I reflected on my journey and literally sobbed through Christina Aguilera’s “Fighter”, I decided I wanted to tackle number one with a bullet on my Summer Bucket List: run an entire mile.

I’ve been half-heartedly doing Couch-2-5K over the past few months, but I haven’t run in almost month. And I’ve only ever run outdoors, whereas this attempt was going to be done at the gym on a treadmill–one of my bigger fears throughout this journey.

Why? Well, I know it’s stupid, but: I don’t want to run on a treadmill because I am afraid that, being a rather–ahem–large girl, things would be jiggling like crazy and I’d be so loud stomping away with my fat legs on the treadmill and maybe even break the machine but definitely get looks from everyone around me and distract everyone with my insanely heavy breathing/wheezing.

Whew! Exhausting thinking, right?

I spent all day yesterday getting pumped up for my mile run. I kept telling myself, “You can totally do this, no problem.” I kept thinking about how awesome I would feel afterwards, remembering how amazing I felt after my emotional spin class the previous night. The self-talk was all positive and I was loving it. I even shared the update with all my lovelies on Twitter and a few friends and family, to hold myself even more accountable.

When I got to the gym, I was pumped. Super tired and very sore, feeling heavy and surprisingly very nervous, but pumped. Instead of hiding out on the treadmill in the back corner of the gym, I hopped on a machine smack in the middle of the pack–staring creepy men and skinny bitch assholes watching my jiggly bits be damned!

After a quick five minute warm-up, I bumped up the incline to 2, the speed to 5.0 and started pumping my arms. Quickly realizing this was not a pace at which I could sustain myself, I knocked it down a bit.

And then I ran.

I felt my butt and thighs jiggling, but I felt my feet authoritatively smacking the treadmill belt. I felt my breath catching in my chest, but I willed myself to get it under control–in through the nose, out through the mouth. After three minutes, I felt myself wanting to give up, but I reminded myself that this challenge is more mental than physical.

And I ran.

With five minutes of straight running under my belt, I started to get dizzy. So I slowed my pace a bit more. The dizzy feeling remained, so I took a short walk break and then knocked out another two minutes. I was now over half a mile, but ready to give up. I felt lousy, I was uncomfortable, and frankly, I had a giant wedgie :)

So I stopped.

I briskly walked the rest of the mile, then headed over to my buddy the elliptical to knock out a grueling half hour of intervals.

Was I disappointed? Sure. Defeated? Absolutely not. Old Manda Kay would have been devastated not hitting this goal the first time out, embarrassed that she’d made it all so public and hadn’t accomplished it. New Manda Kay? I’m inspired to keep moving. I know where I’m at, and I know what I need to do to get to where I want to be. I have the rest of the summer to get there.

Mostly I’m just extremely proud that I:
1. Ran on a treadmill for the first time.
2. Ran my longest distance yet.
3. Ran for my longest time yet.

It’s the little things that eventually make the big things. I’m making progress, I am making my life here. Slowly, but surely. It’s all happening right now.

The Foodiest of Pen Pals

Yep, it’s Foodie Pen Pals reveal day again! This month, my pal was the supremely thoughtful Shri. Shri is Indian and has a blog with some fantastic recipes and gorgeous photos–seriously, gorgeous. Shri sent me a box of the most amazing assortment of Indian goodies. Being a Midwestern, German, meat and potatoes kinda gal, Indian food has never been something in my foodie wheel house. But I am always up for something new, and I’ve loved Indian food when I’ve tried it.

Not only did Shri send me so many fun and new foods, she also sent me a beautiful silver steel bowl called a kadai , a wooden bracelet, and a cute little card–can you tell I’m running out of adjectives for awesome and amazing? :) The whole package was wrapped in pretty pink bags and tissue–how did she know I’m pink obsessed?
The cardamom pods are so fragrant, and I loved the Parle-G glucose biscuits! They’re like a less-sweet (and healthier!) shortbread. Shri mentioned they were her favorites as a child–they would have been mine too! Beyond that, I haven’t had much time this month to play around with all of these wonderful ingredients and devote the kind of attention to them that they deserve. But Shri mentioned a few great ideas, including a sweet dish made with the vermicelli. Vermicelli in a sweet dish? I never would have thought of it! The dish is called Semiya Payasam, meaning fudge-like sweet vermicelli–love it! I’ll definitely be trying it and posting about it here! And I’m going to be emailing Shri a lot to get some more good recipes out of her! :)
That’s what I love about Foodie Pen Pals. Each month you get to put together a little box of goodies that essentially says, “this is me.” You choose what parts of you, your background, your passions, to share with someone else who could very well live across the country. And then someone else does the exact same thing for you. You are both exposed to new cultures, new ways of life, and, of course, new foodie goodies.

Get in on this, guys! Here’s what to do: go to Lindsay’s blog (she’s the creative genius behind this and the Lean Green Bean Blog) and fill out this form by July 5. Then, Lindsay will email you with all the deets and you’ll be well on your way to connecting with other bloggers and readers, experiencing one of the few things we all have in common–food!

A Note From The Universe

I love this. A note recently recieved from the universe:

“For all things and non-things that you may ever want, Amanda, understand that sometimes the fastest way to get them is to forget them, and to focus instead on just being the most amazing human being you can be. At which point, all of your heart’s desires, spoken or unspoken, will be drawn to you more powerfully than a magnet is drawn to steel. 

Have an amazing day,
The Universe”

No Sex in the City

So this is something that’s been running through my mind forever and I just haven’t been sure how to address it. I do pride myself on being brutally and  embarrassingly honest with you all on here, so I’m just going to say it:

Why does everyone have a significant other but me?

Now, hear me out. This is not some whiny, girl magazine bitching about why I can’t get a man. This is simply an observation. And a question that’s been driving me seriously crazy for years. YEARS.

When you’re on a mission like this, you obviously look for others you can identify with, relate to, and learn from. Seriously, in every single blog I read about other women losing weight, they tout their significant other as their “biggest supporter,” and their “main motivator,”  someone who loves them just the way they are.

And then I scream. And die a little.

Embarrassing and horribly judgmental, my inner monologue tends to go a little something like this:

How did she find someone? Why haven’t I? I’m prettier/smaller/dress better than her, right? Why am I jealous of that bigger women walking down the street arm in arm with her boo? Why do I only get creepers and downright scary men hitting on me, wanting a booty call? Why am I so alone? Is it my personality? My complete lack of confidence and self-esteem? Are my standards too high? What’s wrong with me?

Annoying, right? Try living with that in your head day in and day out. Ugh.

The thing is, though, I’m not unhappy being single. I’ve really grown to like being by myself, on my own schedule–which is, I think part of the larger problem of my weight and my life. I pride myself on being mostly independent, taking care of myself, doing things that a lot of other girls need a partner to do.

I won’t lie, it gets lonely. Do I want someone to come home to every night? Sure, that’d be great. Do I want someone to do the everyday, mundane stuff with me–running errands, grocery shopping, going to the movies, working out? Absolutely. Do I want someone to pay my bills and let me stay at home with our babies while he rushes off to make the big money? Ah…well, yes. But let’s not get ahead of ourselves.

It’s important to note, mind you, that as lonely or desperate as I may get sometimes, I’m not actively looking for this person. I’m not yet confident enough in who I am and who I am becoming. What I do want, though, is for them to just magically fall into my lap, love me for me, and all that crap. That’s the dream :)

But what I don’t understand, and my point in all this, is how did everyone else get so lucky?

If you’ve ever felt like this, welcome. Let me give you a hug and the single girls’ secret handshake. And then let’s look at a few things I think we can learn from all this self-defeating jealousy and negativity…

1. Stop comparing yourself. Yes, seek out other individuals on the same path as you, but don’t compare your life, your circumstances, your failures, and your successes to their’s. You are your own person, on your own journey, with your own timeline. What’s meant to be will be and it will happen when it happens. Endlessly frustrating and absolutely true.

2. Confidence. You’ve gotta have it. Guys love confidence in a girl. This I know (or at least, it’s what everyone says over and over).

We can do this. We can become the girls we’ve always wanted to be, that we were meant to be. Our lives will work out the way they are meant to. Put the blinders on, keep moving forward…and watch out for falling men :)

Honey Rhubarb Muffins

I definitely got my love of cooking and baking from my mom. Growing up, our favorite thing to bake together were her amazing chocolate chip cookies. Seriously, her recipe is the best. And she’d always give my brother and I a mixer beater to lick clean, which was obviously my favorite part of the process.

My mom has taught me how to can, crafting batch after batch of fresh salsa and jam each summer. She taught me how to bake a perfectly golden apple pie, using her grandmother’s old-timey apple peeler. And now, when we get together, we often crack open a bottle of wine and have a blast whipping up delicious meals together–learning new techniques and adding delicious recipes to our repertoire from the likes of Betty Crocker, the Barefoot Contessa, and various family and friends.
Sharing in my weight loss journey, Mama Ruthie (as she’s affectionately called in these parts) recently created a delish rhubarb muffin recipe. The muffins have less than 200 calories, and are protein-packed thanks to a dollop or four of greek yogurt.

Rhubarb Honey Muffins
Makes 12 muffins

Ingredients
1/2 C yogurt *
2 Tbsp butter, melted**
2 Tbsp applesauce
1/4 C egg substitute/1 whole egg
1 1/3 C flour
3/4 C brown sugar
1/2 tsp baking soda
1/4 tsp salt
1 C rhubarb, diced

For topping:
1/4 C brown sugar
1/2 tsp cinnamon
1/4 tsp nutmeg
2 tsp butter, melted
1/4 slivered almonds or oats

  • Preheat oven to 350º. Line a muffin pan with paper muffin cups, or spray the pan with non-stick cooking spray.
  • With a hand mixer, or a stand mixer fitted with the paddle attachment, combine the first four ingredients (through egg) in a medium bowl.
  • In a separate bowl, combine the dry ingredients (through salt).
  • With the mixer on low, slowly add the dry ingredients to the wet, mixing until just combined.
  • Fold in the rhubarb, then fill each muffin cup approx. 2/3 full.
  • Combine the ingredients for the topping, then sprinkle it over the filled muffin cups.
  • Bake for 20-25 minutes or until an inserted toothpick comes out clean and the muffin tops are golden brown.

*I used Chobani Honey-Nana greek yogurt, but you can use any flavor or type of yogurt you prefer. Try different flavor combinations!

**You can substitute an equal amount of applesauce for the butter. If you do so, the muffins will be a bit chewier, but still delicious!

Halfway Point: June Goals

We’re halfway through June now (crazy, right?), so I thought I’d share the progress I’ve made on my June goals!

But I gotta warn ya. It ain’t real pretty.

Goals for June

1. Log 100 miles. As of today, I’m at 52. So, not too shabby!
2. Lose 15 lbs. I had a bit of a setback this week with an unexpected visitor and a 7 lb bloat. Now I’m finally back down to where I was last Sunday.
3. Drop 1 pant size. I tried on pants this weekend and I’ve dropped about a size and a half!
4. Take 10 spin classes. I’ve done 2. Yikes.
5. Drink 1 gallon of water each day.
Yep yep!
6. Only 1 soda/alcoholic beverage per week.
Too much soda, but only 1 glass of wine.
7. 1 trip to the grocery store. So far, so good!
8. Take 1 yoga class. Need to do this.
9. Run 1 mile continuously. Need to do this, too.
10. Complete 15 2-a-days. Um, I’ve got 3. This may be a problem…

The Opposite Of Man: Jam!

If you get the title of this post, I applaud you. If not, Google it. It’s from a hilarious episode of Friends and I think of this line each and every time I make jam :) But I digress…

Rhubarb is so pervasive around these parts. It grows wild just about any and everywhere, and your cute little old neighbor lady will almost always bring some over to you since she just had too much to use.

Last weekend, I scored two giant bunches of the pretty red fruit at the Saint Paul Farmer’s Market (aka the best farmer’s market anywhere, ever). Little known ‘barb fact? The leaves at the end of each stalk are extremely poisonous. So, you know, don’t eat them. Or call them kale and serve them to your favorite enemy, who, before keeling over, will in turn find you very chic and on trend.

Strawberry Rhubarb Freezer Jam
Makes 3 cups

Ingredients:
3 C rhubarb, divided
3 C strawberries, divided
1 C sugar
1/4 C lemon juice (really, any citrus juice will work here)
1 package sugar-free strawberry Jello (3 oz. package)
dash of salt

  • Cut rhubarb and strawberries into small pieces and place 2 cups of each in a large saucepan over medium-high heat.
  • Add the sugar, lemon juice, and salt, and bring the mixture to a simmer.
  • Continue to cook the sauce for 12-15 minutes, until it thickens and the fruit softens.
  • Remove from heat and fold in the remaining 1 cup of rhubarb, 1 cup of strawberries, and packet of jello.
  • Funnel the jam into jars, cover, and refrigerate or freeze.

What I Did On My Summer Vacation

Following last week’s post, I got to thinking about what I wanted to accomplish on this journey over the next 50 lbs, beyond the weight loss. What victories do I want to look back on once I’ve shed 100 lbs? What do I want to feel proud of? What do I want to find myself smiling about as I think about the summer of 2012?

Naturally, I made a list.

My summer bucket list is as follows:

1. Run an entire mile.
2. Go to a public beach in a swimsuit and take a dip.
3. Unabashedly wear tank tops regularly to the gym. Out and about, occasionally, as well.
4. Wear a dress cut above the knee
5. Go hiking here

What’s on your summer bucket list?