So this is something that’s been running through my mind forever and I just haven’t been sure how to address it. I do pride myself on being brutally and embarrassingly honest with you all on here, so I’m just going to say it:
Why does everyone have a significant other but me?
Now, hear me out. This is not some whiny, girl magazine bitching about why I can’t get a man. This is simply an observation. And a question that’s been driving me seriously crazy for years. YEARS.
When you’re on a mission like this, you obviously look for others you can identify with, relate to, and learn from. Seriously, in every single blog I read about other women losing weight, they tout their significant other as their “biggest supporter,” and their “main motivator,” someone who loves them just the way they are.
And then I scream. And die a little.
Embarrassing and horribly judgmental, my inner monologue tends to go a little something like this:
How did she find someone? Why haven’t I? I’m prettier/smaller/dress better than her, right? Why am I jealous of that bigger women walking down the street arm in arm with her boo? Why do I only get creepers and downright scary men hitting on me, wanting a booty call? Why am I so alone? Is it my personality? My complete lack of confidence and self-esteem? Are my standards too high? What’s wrong with me?
Annoying, right? Try living with that in your head day in and day out. Ugh.
The thing is, though, I’m not unhappy being single. I’ve really grown to like being by myself, on my own schedule–which is, I think part of the larger problem of my weight and my life. I pride myself on being mostly independent, taking care of myself, doing things that a lot of other girls need a partner to do.
I won’t lie, it gets lonely. Do I want someone to come home to every night? Sure, that’d be great. Do I want someone to do the everyday, mundane stuff with me–running errands, grocery shopping, going to the movies, working out? Absolutely. Do I want someone to pay my bills and let me stay at home with our babies while he rushes off to make the big money? Ah…well, yes. But let’s not get ahead of ourselves.
It’s important to note, mind you, that as lonely or desperate as I may get sometimes, I’m not actively looking for this person. I’m not yet confident enough in who I am and who I am becoming. What I do want, though, is for them to just magically fall into my lap, love me for me, and all that crap. That’s the dream
But what I don’t understand, and my point in all this, is how did everyone else get so lucky?
If you’ve ever felt like this, welcome. Let me give you a hug and the single girls’ secret handshake. And then let’s look at a few things I think we can learn from all this self-defeating jealousy and negativity…
1. Stop comparing yourself. Yes, seek out other individuals on the same path as you, but don’t compare your life, your circumstances, your failures, and your successes to their’s. You are your own person, on your own journey, with your own timeline. What’s meant to be will be and it will happen when it happens. Endlessly frustrating and absolutely true.
2. Confidence. You’ve gotta have it. Guys love confidence in a girl. This I know (or at least, it’s what everyone says over and over).
We can do this. We can become the girls we’ve always wanted to be, that we were meant to be. Our lives will work out the way they are meant to. Put the blinders on, keep moving forward…and watch out for falling men