Tag Archives: metaphorical donuts

This Year > Last Year

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It’s amazing the difference twelve short months can make. Just 365 little days…
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Last May, I was about 40 pounds heavier and a bunch of inches thicker. I was four pant sizes and two-three (depending on the store) shirt sizes bigger. I couldn’t dream of shopping in “normal” stores, save for the maternity section or the occasional tunic or dress that I fashioned into a form-fitting shirt (Yes, really. I did both).
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Last May I was uncomfortable wearing t-shirts and wouldn’t dream of wearing tank tops. No one wants to see all that flab flapping around. When I did finally start to wear tank tops, it was the biggest deal. I remember calling my mom as I stood at the big box hardware store wearing a sleeveless dress. I was nearly in tears I was so proud…and so terrifyingly self-conscious.
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Last May I didn’t leave the house without my hair and make up done, my outfit acceptably perfect. Why give the world another reason to judge me? I may be The Fat Girl but I would never dream of being The Ugly Fat Girl.

Last May I struggled to run for 30 seconds. I stuck mostly to the elliptical at the gym, because I was afraid of how unattractive and out of shape I’d look trying something new. I didn’t make eye contact and I stayed in the back row of my darkened spin class—the only group class I would attempt.
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But now?

This May, I’m still stuck in a seemingly never-ending weight loss plateau, but I’ve lost over 60 pounds in about a year, I’ve tightened and toned my body to the point where I sometimes like what I see in the mirror. I haven’t given up. I regularly shop at normal stores in mostly normal sizes. Sometimes, I even need to grab a smaller size.
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This May, I cry in dressing rooms because I can’t believe I fit in the size 14 shirt not because I have to grab the 3X.

This May, I’ve run a 5K race, with a goal of doing five more this year (three are on the calendar!). I’ve gotten my heavy body up on a paddleboard…while wearing a swimsuit. I’ve taken (and love!) a boot camp and a weights class—where I’m constantly uncomfortable and pushed to my physical and self-esteem limits.
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This May, I rarely wear makeup when I’m not at work or going out socially. I’ve stopped caring what I look like in the best possible way: I still want to look cute, obviously, but I no longer spend an hour getting ready to go to Target on a Saturday afternoon.
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This May, I wear t-shirts. And tank tops. And dresses that show off (most) of my legs.
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This May, I explore the world around me. I try new things. I put myself out there socially (something, I admit, I’m just starting to feel out). I’m less afraid of others, less afraid of myself.
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This May, I’ve mostly made peace with myself. As is, right now. Fat and all. The scale doesn’t define me, your opinion of me, and what fat girls should and should not do, doesn’t define me. I define me. And I like me. I’m proud of me.

This May, I can’t wait to see who I am next May.

Happy Anniversary!

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One year ago on this very day, I started Manda Kay Makes It. And what a year it has been. I can’t even begin to wrap my head around all the beautiful, frustrating, triumphant, semi-devastating things that have happened in the past 12 months. It’s been an unbelievable journey. I’ve learned so much–about me, about my place in the world. I’ve had new experiences, new setbacks. I’ve tried new foods and new exercises–new ways of moving and experiencing my body just as it is now.

And I can’t wait for more.

A big, gigantic thank you to each and every one of you for all the reading, commenting, and encouraging you’ve done. As much as this is a solo journey, I know I wouldn’t have come near as far as I have without all of you cheering. Thank you!

As I said, I learned a lot this year. Here are a few of the mantras I want to take with me and continue to put into practice this year:
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Holiday Success

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I always spend the Holidays with my family–real meat and potatoes Midwesterners. Everything is structured around food–when we’re going to eat, what we’re going to eat, etc. We start planning dinner before eating supper, there are trays of candy, cookies, dips, spreads, and nuts everywhere, and overindulging then sleeping it off in front of the TV is wholly encouraged. And then there’s the calorie-laden adult beverages…so, as someone who whole-heartedly loves all things food and drink, this is naturally my favorite time of year.

This is the first year I can remember where I’m not giving myself a pass for the holidays. I’m not going into this season with the mindset that I can just start again when it’s time for New Year’s resolutions. I’m actively planning how to be successful this holiday season. While I’m obviously no expert here, I think it’s really all about the basics and maintaining my schedule regardless of others.

Here are my five tips to stay on track during the holidays:

1. Make your own food
It is the best way to control what, exactly, you’re putting in your mouth. I was scared that I offend my grandmother by doing this. She is an amazing cook, notorious for overfeeding and her use of butter. But after asking, I found she was more than happy to let me invade her kitchen–she has been super supportive of my journey. I also found my family willing to partake in my healthy offerings.

2. Allow yourself one specific indulgence
Choose one thing and really savor the indulgence. What is life if you can’t enjoy it once in awhile? The holidays are my favorite time of year and I want to enjoy them–I can be rigid the rest of the year. For Thanksgiving this year, I chose to indulge in a little liquid therapy: vodka.
3. Exercise
Being away from the gym or home, in wintery climates, etc. is no excuse not to work out. Thanksgiving morning, I got up early and went for a run. I also took some time to complete a workout I found on Pinterest. Seriously, both Pinterest and Self magazine have a bunch of great quick workouts that can be done anywhere with minimal or no equipment. When all else fails, just get out and walk. Or play active games with younger family members. Or stand in a corner and do jumping jacks, some push-ups, crunches…just be active.

4. Log everything
I track my calories and exercise on My Fitness Pal. If you don’t use an online tracking tool like that, write down what you eat in a notebook, keep a running mental list, or, if you have a family member you don’t particularly like, bore them to death by telling them bite for bite what you’ve eaten that day. Having that written or verbal list of what you’ve put in your pie hole is a very effective form of accountability.

5. Water
I feel completely different when I don’t get my water in for the day. I feel puffy, my mind feels foggy, I retain water, and I’m crabby. Whether some of that is psychological, I don’t know. But it makes a difference for me. I have taken to buying a few gallons of drinking water whenever I head to my family’s for a weekend, and I set it and my water bottle in plain sight. That way it’s a present reminder to hydrate.

What do you do to stay healthy and on track during the holidays?

A Note From The Universe…and A Note From Me

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I hope this post helps explain, at least a little bit, why I’ve been neglecting the blog and you, my loyal readers, as of late. I know I owe you a update on this month’s goals, and a few delish recipes. But, plain and simple, I’ve been busy! Work is kicking my butt in the best, most rewarding way possible, and beyond that, I’ve been crazy focused on my eating and workout plans–I’ve been pulling two-a-days for the last few weeks, and loving every second.

I’m feeling so good these days–so much energy, such a upbeat, positive mood, optimistic and happy about every. thing. The scale has been stuck this week thanks to my womanhood (damn you, ovaries!), but I’m making progress elsewhere: gaining muscle (thanks to my new weight training program), remaining loyal to my accountability partner (more on that soon), my clothes are looser, and my endurance, willpower, and dedication have never been stronger!

But all of these things take an extraordinary amount of time. My schedule for the past few weeks has literally been: 5am workout, work, evening workout, dinner, bed. Wake and repeat. And I love it. I really think I’m finally in the place where I’m enjoying this whole process. I’m having fun with it.

A Note from the Universe…

Generally speaking, Amanda, the busier someone is the faster time flies, the less they worry, the more friends they have, the farther they travel, the quicker they rebound, the richer they become, and the happier they are. 
Passport ready? 
The Universe

Words of Wisdom Wednesday…And A Quick Check In

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Did you guys see these Nike commercials during the Olympics? Today, and every day, go out and find your greatness, whatever that might mean for you.

I found some of my own greatness this weekend: I spent the weekend with my family, helping my grandparents with landscaping at their house. This meant hauling, shoveling, shaking clean, and raking tons and tons of rocks…and then going inside to enjoy some of my Grandma’s most delicious cooking. I made smart choices, though, preparing and eating mostly my own healthy food, and squeezing in a run with my cousin while everyone else took a beer break. Victory!

That greatness carried over to the scale this week, where I thought I’d see an increase–things are always a little iffy when you step out of your normal routine. However, I not only lost the 6+ water-filled lbs. post-TOM, but I’m back down to my lowest weight since starting this dang thang! Again, victory!

I’m following up this morning’s greatness-filled workout (intervals on the elliptical and stairclimber) by venturing out for a five-mile walk/jog (or wog, as I call it) after work. Be great, all!

PS. I promise to get you that pumpkin cookie recipe this week! I haven’t forgotten!

How do you find greatness in your every day? Let me hear about it!

Giving Up The Ghost

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I’m about to paint you all a very pathetic and embarrassing picture. Please bear with me.

As I write this, I’m sitting here watching Dawson’s Creek reruns (my love of Pacey knows no bounds) and eating a five-ingredient peanut butter cookie. Both of these are leftover remnants of what my life used to be: food, isolation, television, laziness, comfort.  Television and food (and, briefly, alcohol) have been my go-to numbing agents for as long as I can remember.

Back when Dawson’s was in it’s original run in the late nineties, I would hole up in my bedroom with some sort of contraband candy or chips and escape into the angst of the Creek. That nasty habit continued through college, as Ross and Rachel finally got together, and has continued to continue through countless fish dishes prepared by Ina Garten, housewives yanking on each other’s weaves, and a plethora of Lifetime heroines plotting the demise of their philandering, slapping, good-for-nothing hubby’s.

For me, there’s always been great comfort in sitting at home, alone, in front of the tv with cake in my face. There’s no one to judge or point out my recent shortcomings or lack of life progress. The disappointment of the day fades away and you lose yourself in someone else’s ups and downs. The biggest risk you face is not spilling food on your shirt.

I don’t know when or why I became someone who was so afraid, so hesitant, so lazy, so comfortable being uncomfortable. But it happened. Over the past ten months, as I’ve weeded out the bad food, bad energy, and bad habits, TV has been the one lingering ghost–the one thing tying me to my old life. It still prevents me from getting to sleep at a decent enough time where I’ll have the energy to be up for a 5am workout. I still waste hours of potential calorie-burning productivity flipping through the channels. I still shy away from putting myself confidently out in the world, opting not to catch up with my friends, but to catch up with Honey Boo Boo, instead.

In order to save a few much needed bucks, and to hopefully excise the final ghost of Manda Kay past, I’m getting rid of cable tv.  I don’t think you can possibly understand how truly excruciating this will be for me. I’m a little embarrassed to admit that–I mean, it’s basically another addiction/crutch I have to face down. But long term, I think this is going to be great. It’s one less excuse, one less distraction. One more step towards making my life a bit more.

What ghosts are you holding onto? What sacrifices have you made to achieve your fitness or weight-loss goals?